OPINION: Name and shame | Auckland Opinion | Local Voices from Auckland, New Zealand

WE KIWIS - or New Zealanders, or Aotearoans - do get ourselves into a tizz over place names. Either it's the spelling or the grammar: Wanganui is just plain wrong, but neither the Geographic Board or the city could agree on correcting it; the board accepts Hawke's Bay and Arthur's Pass but approves the abominations of Coxs Bay and St Marys Bay. Both just plain wrong, but gloriously, officially and inconsistently so. (Please don't correspond: we know about the convention of eliminating punctuation from place names. Hat off to whoever had the wit and whimsy to christen a rocky outcrop in Antarctica "Apostrophe Island".)

The latest brouhaha has broken out in Waitakere, whose outgoing Mayor insists we not refer to West Auckland, although most of the locals are proud not to be associated with anything reeking of North, East, South or Central. You may have read our June 10 Cover Story, Demobbed, which outlined the passing-out parade of the Hobsonville Airbase, where the sods will soon be turned on a new subdivision.

Massey Community Board feels the name - or is it a brand? - of "Hobsonville Point" does not acknowledge the base's history and another monicker should be considered. The board feels "the historical context and value is lost in the re-naming of the area and it is important that this is recognised". So moved. Do I have a seconder? Yes, Mr Chairman. All those in favour? Aye. Passed, though strangely the board was not so moved as to suggest an alternative.

All our hills, hillocks, streams, creeks, harbours, points, bluffs and mudflats had names before William Hobson - yes, the fellow after whom Hobsonville was named - was ordered (or took it upon himself) to found the new city of ... um, er, what the deuce shall we call the place, chaps? ... as the capital of the new colony of ... um, er, Western New South Wales? New Zealand? Sounds a bit ... well, not to put too fine a point on it, Dutch, old chum. And we're supposed to be claiming the place for Her Majesty, Queen Victoria.

Hobson didn't dally too long. The good Captain knew which side his crumpet was buttered on, and rapidly chose to call his new town Auckland, in honour of his former commander, patron (Lord Auckland had given Hobson command of his first ship and sent him to sort out the southern Australian coast in the appropriately named Rattlesnake) and then-Viceroy of India. For those whose knowledge of the English colonial hierarchy is not quite up to scratch, a Viceroy was somewhere above a Governor-General and not too far behind the King. Auckland's family name was Eden, hence ... oh, you got there already.

SO WHO was this bloke we identify ourselves with? George Eden was born into a frightfully well-brung-up family, educated at Eton and Oxford and turned out as a lawyer in 1809. He was the second son but became heir to dad's lands and titles when his big brother drowned in the Thames in 1810. That's the official story: the gossip is suicide, old bean. George also took his brother's seat in Parliament and rose through the ranks to become First Lord of the
Admiralty.

India was to make and break him. Appointed Governor-General in 1836, Auckland started well, improving "native schools" and trade. But "complications" in Afghanistan interrupted him in 1838. Auckland declared war and - like British politicians all the way down to Blair and Brown - the campaign ended in disaster. Regarded a failure, he was recalled to England and served out his years in Parliament, dying on New Year's Day 1849, aged 64.

Funny, he never married. And no, he never set foot in the world-class city that bears his name.

Auckland is not the only person honoured in our suburbs who never came to Auckland. Look east, where the Ngai Tai people of Tainui descent lived for more than 1000 years at Ohuia Rangi, Te Waiarohia and Tuwakamana. Don't know them? Try Pigeon Mountain, Musick Point and Cockle Bay.

We know the area better as Howick, named after Henry George Grey, 3rd Earl Grey and Viscount Howick, Secretary for the Colonies responsible for the Royal NZ Fencible Corps scheme which brought the enlightenment of English soldier-farmer settlers to the rolling hills of Otahuhu and Tamaki in the 1830s.

FAST-FORWARD to last November, when the Local Government Commission unveiled its plans for 21 wards and local boards under the new Auckland Council. Howick, Pakuranga, Botany, Dannemora, Flat Bush and Pastures New would be rolled into one ward; it would have more than 180,000 residents, far more than minor municipalities that have their own city councils, like Hamilton, Dunedin, Palmerston North, Nelson. The Aucklander opposed it then, we oppose it now. It is as good a snapshot as any of the lack of democracy or local representation in the regional authority shambles.

The commission decreed the area would be named "Te Irirangi" after the noble, influential and refined Ngai Tai chief who welcomed Europeans to his people's land in the 1830s. Howickians spluttered over their Earl Grey and scones.

While the residents of Avondale and Blockhouse Bay barely noticed that they would soon be living in Whau, or the folk of Three Kings and Hillsborough nodded over the news that they would be voting in Puketapapa, Howick went off its genteel face. They petitioned. They badgered the local MPs, Murray McCully and Pansy Wong. And the Rt Hon Murray McCully, Minister of Something or Another, a PR hack from way back - bent over.

One hesitates to call it "brown-nosing" to his electorate. But the Minister whipped in a parliamentary nicety that ensured the ward formerly known as Te Irirangi would be named "Howick". No matter that it covers vast tracts that not even the Fencibles could have lusted after and have no relation to the original "Howick"; no matter that 14 of the 21 ward names respect the original settlers - you know, those other folks who signed the Treaty and welcomed Hobson to Tamaki-Makaarau.

Mr Williamson told the House local people have "spoken loudly ... They're going to get their way and I'm really delighted." We're delighted about that, too. Ecstatic that the local people of Howick have spoken loudly and are going to get their way. We could point out several hundred other matters on which the local people of Auckland have spoken loudly and are not going to get their way, or even their say, but that would be churlish. No, it's good to see that a staunch, local MP was prompted to ensure that this vital amendment leapt right to the top of the pile.

WHICH rather brings us to the point: if we're launching into the brave new world of Kaipatiki and Puketapapa and Te Irirangi ... oops, sorry, slip of te reo there ... why shouldn't we have a new name for the region?

Why should we continue to bear the tag of some colonialist who got Britain (and our brave lads in the SAS) into the whole schemozzle in Afghanistan, and couldn't be bothered to set his riding-boot in the town that bears his undoubtedly noble, if later tarnished, name?

There are precedents for changing the name of a city. Or even a country. If the Russians can expunge Stalin from the atlas, Bombay become Mumbai, the Gilbert Islands rise as the proud nation of Kiribati, Ceylon pad up as the cricketing champions of Sri Lanka, or the Northern Province fans barrack for Limpopo, if we can all enjoy the Olympics in Beijing rather than Peking, then Auckland too can be reborn. Seize the day!

So what could we call our city, ourselves? The logical choice must be "Tamaki". We've spent 170 years honouring fellows who've never seen the place so it would make a nice change to tip our potae to the original settlers. And it has so many claims; it fits so delightfully, so neatly into this city on the edge of the world.

Tamaki is an ancient Polynesian word for "battle"; it can also mean "full of people" or "heavily" populated; and some suggest that it stems from "Ta-Maki", meaning a successful raid by Maki, a local chief. Dunno if he lived in Epsom.

A name that no one's positive what it means, where it refers to, and has been the cause of several hundred years of arguments. Perfect.

- Ewan McDonald is the Whimsy Editor of The Aucklander