FAMILY MATTERS by Jude Dobson | Auckland Home | Renting and Buying in Auckland

Last week, I saw Tom Jones sing at Villa Maria Estate.

As we drove through the gates I confessed to my three companions that I was not overly sure whether I wanted to admit to going to see Tom Jones. I'd know a few of his hits, but I suspected I was but a twinkle in my father's eye when the first of Jones's songs had climbed the charts. A quick look at his official website confirms his first album was, indeed, released two years before I was born.

Whether the music was entirely to my liking was immaterial as the attraction of good food, good wine and good company late on a sunny afternoon in a gorgeous vineyard was enough temptation. As it turned out, I enjoyed the music much more than I thought I would as Tom Jones is a true entertainer with the most amazing voice and repertoire. However, the folk seated around us put on some extra entertainment.

Directly in front was Safari Man (khaki shorts and matching  jacket) alongside Alpha Woman who had been sipping in the sun for some hours and was in party mood. In front of them sat Floral Shirt Man (evidently influenced by Safari Man's choice of shirt) with his more demure wife and, I suspect, her mother in her pearls. Demure Wife danced a couple of times with her husband but, mostly, Alpha Woman danced with both men.

Further down the row was a Can't Get Enough of You couple who were enjoying a back to teenage moment or six in middle age. I wondered cynically whether wifey was a young number two and he was in the first flushes of lust again with someone half his age, but I was later reliably informed they were of similar vintage. I didn't get to see much of her face to judge - just the back of her head.

In the middle, between the Fashion Faux Pas group and the couple who didn't come up for air too often were a father and daughter out for an evening together. Or so I thought until he fondled her and she fondled back. Mr Midlife Crisis and his young friend completed the amusing accompaniment to Tom Jones.

Actually, not completely. There was the single woman who kept asking the other chap in our foursome if he was on his own. Although he replied he was with his wife, I gather SW was still a very friendly girl, eventually offering to dance with him quite late in the piece. She stood as she announced her plan then promptly went straight down. She missed most of the chairs, and was very quiet after that.

As the evening wore on, we got caught in the crossfire as Alpha Woman's  wild dancing and associated chair toppling encroached on her neighbour's enjoyment of Tom. It got to the point where one of our party needed to stand between her and the neighbour to stop a catfight erupting, while hearing complaints from either side. Alpha Woman, I think, didn't realise we were doing her a favour. She did love us early on, telling us the same colourful thing about Tom's history over and over, but this affection morphed later into a love-hate relationship.

While AW groped around on the grass looking for something I did try to help her find whatever it was (a diamond ring?) and offered my humble find of a water bottle, only to be turned upon. Yes, of course it was not water she was after... silly me.

We laughed through the concert wryly watching our neighbour concertgoers' antics, interspersed with a Welsh flag zipping back and forth at moments of great oneness with Tom, as when he sang the Green, Green Grass of Home.

We lost sight of Alpha Woman before the concert ended. Perhaps she wobbled to the front to throw her knickers onstage while Tom gyrated away singing, "too many lovers, not enough men in the world today", an anthem it seemed for Mr Midlife Crisis and Mr Can't Get Enough of You. Those blokes would no doubt be hoping that, like Tom himself, It's Not Unusual to be 69 and Kiss like a Sex Bomb.