FAMILY MATTERS by Jude Dobson

Jude Dobson | 27th February 2010

What a difference a day makes.

Sunday week (March 7) is Children's Day. In fact, it's the 10th one we will have had in New Zealand. Started by Dr Ian Hassall, our first Commissioner for Children, who has continued to be an amazing advocate for the youngest members of our society, it is an annual event that is slowly gaining a greater degree of traction.

When you think about it, it makes good sense to recognise Children's Day. After all, we have special days on which to pause and think about all the things mothers and fathers do for their families and show them some appreciation.

I know some people think children don't need such a day because we adults run round after them every day anyway.

But I beg to differ. While hard liners will question why we need a day to remind us to put children top of mind for 24 hours, the reality in this country is sadly the opposite for many children. New Zealand has a hideously poor record of neglect and abuse of children.

Turning life around for mistreated children won't happen because we have Children's Day once a year. What's needed is a far bigger, far more complex solution than could be organised in one day, requiring time, education, support and a change in priorities.

The thing about having a Children's Day is that it elevates the profile of all children and, just as Mothers' and Fathers' Days do, it makes us reflect on what it is we value about the children in our lives; from those who have a truly blessed existence to those who don't, and all those just muddling along in the middle.

In the madness of family life, voicing appreciation and focusing your positive attention on a child can slip sideways. It's easy for genuine, meaningful conversations to become lost in the melee of things that constitute a day, a week, a month in a household. I know how great I feel when I get a homemade card and brekky in bed on the first weekend of May and, likewise, my husband likes the same treatment in September.

A couple of years ago, I downloaded a quiz from the Children's Day website. Our kids got to quiz us over breakfast that day to find out what we knew about their friends, their favourite things, etc. It was fun and prompted a lively conversation about what we thought we knew and what was their reality.

I had a quick look for the website and was pleased to see it's still there: www.childrensday.org.nz. The theme this year is "praise and encouragement" with a few questions for parents at the end that will get that going, such as: "How have they been a good friend to someone? When were they honest when perhaps it was easier not to be? What was the bravest thing they did recently? The kindest? What have they improved at lately?" All fine fodder for conversation that will make a youngster feel pretty good about the direction things are going in their life.

On telling my youngest that there was a Children's Day coming up, she looking positively gleeful. I asked her what she figured should happen that day. The 6-year-old's response was a coy "Oh you choose", but when prompted for ideas she came up with "Maybe a favourite breakfast in bed with the paper, and perhaps a cake later in the day that has Happy Children's Day on it, and you and Dad can sing to us kids.".

So, it looks like I have my marching orders for the 7th. Given there's a cricket match, a rugby sign-up and theatre rehearsals that day, the cake will be a welcome afternoon tea - and the brekky? Well, it will just have to be early!